Thursday, January 14, 2010

Scared straight

I'm not sure how to title this post. It isn't joyful or comical or even remotely happy. I'm never sure whether or not to talk about anything medical or having to do with my health. I always think that people want to read about happy things, funny stories, not how bad someone's health is.

But since this is my blog, my little diary on the web, I wanted to get it put down in black and white. For prosperity.

I had mentioned in an earlier post that I found out I have COPD and emphysema. I had to make an appointment early this morning because I just couldn't breathe. My pulmonologist didn't have any openings until next week, so I just went to my general practitioner.

I don't think until today that it really sank in just how serious my condition is. I couldn't even walk around the office without getting out of breathe and getting shaky. I am pretty sure that my pulmonologist is going to put my on oxygen. I asked my doctor just how bad she thought my COPD was. She told me that it was severe. Meaning I have lots of wheezing even when I use my inhalers, that doing simple tasks are nearly impossible for me, and just how my quality of life is pretty bad because of it.

You know, I never thought I would be talking about quality of life at age 33. Can I just say that I'm scared? That I'm worried about what is in store for me? My family? My children? I'm just scared, worried, not sure what I should do. Never thought I would have my dad, who just turned 67 today, asking me how my health is.

And I feel stupid. Stupid for smoking all those years and having that typical young person attitude. "Oh it will never happen to me!" But it did. Now I am paying the piper. Paying the piper dearly.

I'm probably annoying to our friends who smoke now. I tell them, beg them to please quit. And they do the same thing I probably did, grin sheepishly and say how hard it is to quit.

Is it hard to quit, heck yeah. But it is so much harder to be dealing with this.


KK said...

I'm sorry. Praying for you and yes it's your blog! Let it out.

Cassie said...

Share what you are going through. I think it's important. Plus you will be amazed at the support you will receive from us out here in Bloggyland. Plus whether you share it or not it will make it's way to your blog, if through nothing else but through the tone of your writing.
Will be sending you good vibes and warm fuzzies today.

Sarah Brown said...

I am so sad for you. I will keep you in my prayers. Stopping by from SITS

Anonymous said...

Thanks for stopping by on my SITS day, I greatly appreciate it, and now I'm here to spread the comment-love!

I'm still smoking. I don't admit it but I am. I'm so glad I have the online support I do as I'm trying to quit. good luck with your journey, i'm thinking of you!

Anonymous said...

By the way, I love the name of your blog.

Anonymous said...

Hi from SITS... I'm sorry for what you are going through. Thank you for your courage to share.

Lucy Mills said... sorry for what you're struggling with. I hope the doctors can help you and that you can feel things improving in the future.

Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today.

i too, love your blog title!!

Mandy said...

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this at such a young age. May I ask how long you smoked? I am a smoker now, and I know I have GOT to do something to be able to quit. Thanks for sharing this...I had no idea COPD could affect people at such a young age. You are raising awareness.