Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Getting Back To Good

I decided to take a short break from blogging. With this weather and my lung condition, I hadn't been feeling too good the past week or so. Just short of breathe more, tired and emotional about it all.
The girls have been grounded. Katie because of her grades, and Mary because she just doesn't know when it is best to keep your mouth closed.
And then it came down to me and my husband and our marriage. Since I was diagnosed it seemed like my husband just checked out.

When I went to the pulomonologist and she confirmed the diagnosis, she mentioned that later down the road, I would have to have a lung transplant. She told my husband there is no cure,period, Only preventive action to hopefully keep it from becoming worse. My husband for whatever reason made this comment,
"I knew there was a reason I took out life insurance on you." He laughed as he said this.

Now I know this is hard on him, and as he said " he was just trying to make light of a terrible situation." But to me this hurt, this embarrassed me. All I could do was laugh uncomfortably.

I brought this up to him, he got defensive about it. He hasn't even asked me yet how I am, how I feel about any of it.

I asked him if he even wanted me and the girls to continue living here. Did he want us to move back to Mississippi? Of course this went into an even bigger fight.

See when we fight or argue, it is like talking to a break wall. He won't look at you, won't acknowledge, he just sits stiff jawed and glares at the wall.

I begged him that I need help, me and the girls cannot be the only ones who do all the laundry, cook all the meals and do all the cleaning. He said he works and that the girls were old enough to help out.

Then he said this, "Well then maybe somebody else needs to get out there and get a job."

We have one vehicle, I cannot work due to being considered disabled, I cannot be working without oxygen. If I could work, I would be working.

It was after that comment that I just told him to piss off and went to bed. He slept on the couch. We didn't even talk at all the next day. I was just so hurt, felt so alone.

Back when he was in the service he acted like this. He would just ignore us. It took everything to get him to talk to us, do anything with us. We went through a year of marriage counselling due to I almost had an affair because even though my husband would be at home, he wasn't. I felt like a single mom even though he was still at home.
Now he is acting the same way again. When he does speak to us, it is to yell at the girls for doing typical teen things, to gripe that their is no money even though he makes more money. he won't look at the bills, go grocery shopping or do anything to see where the money is going.

I told him I just wanted some help. I wanted him to wake up and actually be here for us. Things either have to get back to good or me and the girls would have to go back to Mississippi. I simply can't shoulder doing it all without any help.
Friday, February 12, 2010

What's A Girl Gotta Do?

I spend quite a bit of time online. I enjoy finding new blogs to read, have some laughs and maybe learn something new. I've been blogging for quite a few years, not on here. I started way back in 2001 using Xanga. It was only within the past few years that I learned about the "Mommy Blogger" phenom. And then I heard that you can actually make money from doing this!

I haven't made squat yet.I'm still waiting on my "golden ticket" to gain entrance into the elite Blogher. So when I hear about one mom blogger making over a grand in a month and she's been blogging less than 6 months, I along with everyone else stand up and take notice. It's simple, just post pictures of the deplorable living condition in which you, your husband and your 3 children under 3 live in. Brag about how your husband makes less than a thousand a month and refuse to take any kind of assistance, and rebuff any suggestions. Make sure your kid falls into a mysterious coma but he's fine now and the doctors don't need to be followed up with.

It bothers me that there is a theme going on with people who make money from their blog. Either they have to sacrifice their children on the alter of the all mighty ad revenue. Be Bat shit crazy, or a combination of the two.

I know blogging is hard work, meaning it takes time to build up an audience, to manufacture your "brand'. What is bothersome is that the outrageous takes center stage. Would any of us have known about the one who got fired for blogging about her job if it hadn't gone viral? What if you are already well off, marry even more well off and then present yourself as just a little wife from the sticks. Just like with the blogger who reveals in being poor, wears it as a badge of honor even to the detriment of her children.
It is all a car wreck. I think as humans we gravitate towards the outrageous. This explains how big reality shows are. Jersey Shore, Real World, American Idol.

We don't want to read about a mom just living her life, doing the laundry, ironing, helping with homework. Being too tired when the husband is feeling randy.

That is why I think I will start blogging about a reformed stripper named Babs. Babs is a 40 something singleton, who used to be a stripper. That is until her sister and brother in law were killed in a tragic accident while shopping for chandeliers. Babs got custody of lil Muffy, Dickson the 5th and Lil Rhodes. Babs will encounter plenty of scorn from the upper class for wearing white after labor day, not having a french mani and pedi, and for having a better boob job. Along the way she meets all the men who visit the strip club, got lap dances, and maybe finds love with the hunky pool boy/professor.

Or maybe I will just take pictures of my dog and cat, and the deer who seem to think they own the road here.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010

When It Rains, It Pours

When it rains problems, it seems like the flood gates just explode and it all comes down.

1. Somehow my paypal got hacked and someone stole $150.00. They spent it on some kind of game tokens for Zynga through facebook. So we went $150 in the hole and then some as things went through and the funds weren't there. That was just the beginning.

2. Our insurance will only pay half of the cost of my oxygen rental. Once our deductible has been met, it will go to a 80/20. But this added expense of my oxygen rental plus all my medicines and the doctor visits has eaten away any funds we had wanted to save by moving.

3. My oldest is failing almost all of her core classes. She's not turning in her assignments, or when she does turn them in they are late. She was on medication to treat ADD, but it seemed like all we were doing is upping them everytime we went to the doctor. We stopped taking them last summer. She was doing okay. Not all As but Bs with Cs.
We are meeting with her teachers on Friday to see what can be done. What sucks is that they don't retain them if they fail anything. I know without a doubt that is what kept me from bringing home bad grades, I didn't want to fail a grade. That and I knew if I did my butt would be grass. I would still be grounded.
Nothing seems to work though. We've grounded her, praised brings an F up to a D. We've taken away everything. My husband is tempted to get her an orange jumpsuit that says "Prisoner of Dad. Because I am failing 7th grade." He wouldn't but it sure is tempting since she seems to just not give a crap!

4. This same daughter almost fractured her hand this weekend too. She accidentally slammed it in the door. It's not broken, Thank God, but it is sprained. How in the heck she managed to slam it in the door is beyond me! She had just gotten in a ton of trouble for lying about doing her tutoring and her grades.

5. My disability claim was denied. Not because I am not disabled, but because I don't have enough work history. I had really hoped I would be able to get something. Just so I can help out money wise. That was the whole reason for me completing my degree. So I would be able to get a good job, that paid more than just my gas money.
So now I am looking for anything I can do from home. Thinking about Avon, just something I can do until I finish my degree. Then maybe I can find work that will be okay for me to do.

6. We did our taxes. Come to find out we are making 10 to 15 thousand less than what we were making when we first moved up here. No wonder things have been so tight and just miserable for us. So I have been trying to find ways to make some money. Selling books on amazon, thinking of getting my daughter to help make her drawstring bags to sell. Anything.

Just so this post isn't all me whining and complaining. Some good news.

The Saints won the Superbowl!! WAY TO GO SAINTS!!!!!

I passed my history exam yesterday!

Our Chihuahua will hold a pacifier in his mouth like a baby! Not really news, just something funny to share.
Thursday, February 4, 2010

Book Review

I review book for the company now called BookSneeze. The book I reviewed was
"The King and Dr.Nick: What Really Happend to Elvis and Me" by George Nichopoulos.

It is about Elvis and his personal doctor, Dr George Nichopoulos.I would recommend this book only to the most diehard Elvis fan. Even then, one might be a little disappointed it is not more in depth.
Dr Nick recounts his life with Elvis from what seems like a very distant standpoint. Maybe this is him still protecting Elvis. At times the book comes across as being written by someone who did not have such a close relationship with the man the world called The King.
It is clear though that Dr Nick loved and cared for Elvis for deeply. He only wanted to help Elvis overcome any addiction and to help him become as healthy as possible. But when Elvis died suddenly and unexpectedly the press needed someone to blame. And Dr Nick was there.
One needs only to look at the death of Michael Jackson to see how quickly the press will pounce. Too many people simply could not face that Elvis was dead, that he died not from a drug overdose, but from a heart attack.
Dr Nick was unfairly attacked by a press and public who wanted answers. They wanted someone to blame and Dr Nick was the perfect scapegoat.

*I received a hardback book in exchange for my honest opinion. I was not paid for my opinion in any way.*
Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Guilty Pleasures

We all have them. Those things we secretly enjoy. The TV shows we watch and would never tell someone at a dinner party. The things we eat knowing it is oh so bad for us, but oh so good. Most people do a top 10 list of their guilty pleasures. I have lots more than just 10. My guilty pleasures could fill a book!

1. The Real Housewives franchise- It all started with the Orange County women. I was immediately sucked in. Then they brought in more cities, New York, New Jersey and Atlanta. I don't know what is funnier, watching these ladies on TV or reading the stories that show they are nowhere near "rich and fabulous status" In fact almost all of them are BROKE BROKE BROKE!

2. I would much rather read US Weekly than Time or Newsweek. Who needs to learn about the nation when Brad and Angie might be splitting for good?!

3. I like to listen to the Backstreet Boys-Hangs head in total shame- There is no explaining it. None at all!

4. MTV Cribs- Yeah, seeing a 20 year old that has a nicer house, car, clothes, and even dog can send you into a depression bemoaning how at 12 you thought you would be a famous pop star. Regardless I still watch it. They houses are so big they could be considered a small country, they have more cars and shoes than real brains. Ever notice they never show you a library full of books? But the closets are to die for!

5. Glittery Things- Jeff Foxworthy was right, rednecks love shiny things! For some reason things with glitter and/or sequins just attract me. Should I be wearing a shirt with glitter on it? Probably not.

6. Teen Lit- I blame it on Twilight. Twilight is the sole reason I started reading Teen Lit again. I bought the whole series, and then the LJ Smith, her supernatural series from my teen days is awesome!

7. Staying in my PJs all day long. I'm a stay at home mom. Okay, my kids are in school all day. I'm a mom and I stay at home, so nah! Unless I am going somewhere or expecting company. I pretty much stay in pajama pants and a t-shirt all day long. Some days I even switch it up and add a sweat shirt, but I don't like to dress fancy for the dogs and lone cat. It makes them feel under dressed.

8. Dog Clothes- We have a Chihuahua. Well he's a Chihuahua/Pekingese mix, but looks like a full bloodied Chihuahua. I like to buy the dog clothes. "He needs a jacket." I tell my husband. "It's very cold outside."

9. Wife Swap or Trading Spouses- Don't tell me you don't watch it too! It's just a train wreck. From the Balloon boy parents who were on there, to the crazy Louisiana woman. You want to watch it just so you know your family is sane.

10. Going to Sam's Club or Costco and hitting up all the samples- When Sam's Club first started I couldn't believe they would give out food. For FREE! Granted I was about 10 at the time. Even now at 33, I still love seeing the little cart there handing out free samples.
Anyone else feel a bit guilty for trying a sample and then not buying the product? I've bought some things just because of this.

So those are at least 10 of mine. What are your guilty pleasures?

Monday, February 1, 2010

Being a Recessionista Sucks

We decided last year that we were going to move. We needed to move. There was just no way could we continue to live in our previous house and be able to keep our heads above water. Even just renting we were paying an outrageous amount of rent. People would drop their jaws in shock whenever they would hear just how much rent we were paying. Granted the subdivision had a pool, well a four foot deep pool. It had a club house with a small workout facility. But it was in a really hilly neighborhood, driving there in the winter should be considered an Olympic sport. All winter you could hear people trying to get out. And a backyard, what backyard. We didn't even have a backyard.

We were there for 3 years. 3 years of paying a double mortgage payment. We were kind of forced to move anyways. The company my husband works for opened a new facility north of where we were living and moved all essential staff up there. It was a long drive for my husband every day. Dealing with rush hour traffic and what we Kansas City people call The Triangle during those hours. When my husband got a job offer making more money, he went to the owner of the company, the CEO and his boss, and told him. He counter offered. Company X countered. My husband's boss countered, told him he would give him a monthly bonus for a year, match the previous offer from company X on one condition. We had to move. They would pay all moving expenses, but our new residence had to be within X amount of miles from the new facility and we had 2 weeks to find a place or the offer was null and void. And he had 10 minutes to give him a response.
Needless to say, we were stuck. The offer from Company X was a yearlong contract with benefits with the chance that it would become permanent. My husband didn't want to take the chance with the other job, so we ruefully agreed to the terms.
An hour later, Company X sent my husband an email. They sent another offer. Six figures, full benefits, bonuses, and he would be head of his own department. But it was too late, my husband had already signed a contract (my husband's idea to make his boss stick to his end of the deal)

I was ticked!! We didn't want to move. We loved our neighborhood. The girls loved their school. Plus school was starting back up in a week. We hurriedly came up north of the river to try and find a place. One in a good school district and one we could afford. It was not an easy task. We had to up how much we would pay in rent. It was next to impossible to find a place renting for under a $1000 a month up here that is not in the ghetto or a complete crap hole.
We found our last place and even though it was more in rent then we wanted. We thought with his raise and the bonuses we would be okay. We under estimated how much utilities and the cost of living would be. Husband's boss stated he had no idea rent would be so much up here for us. (The man is completely clueless when it comes to how much anything costs. (He just tosses down a credit card and signs a receipt)
We almost didn't get the bonus because of some wild hair that jumped up the owners butt. Instead of getting it in one lump sum, we got it broken up into payments. So that delayed us.

We found this new place on Craigslist. It is in the same school district. A pretty quiet community. It's just the house. It's smaller. And it needs work. I don't think the owner has updated anything in here since the early 90s. Once again we were just desperate to get out from under a huge rent payment and into something cheaper. Well this is cheaper, but the owner seems to want us to fix everything and then just send her the bill.
The breakers keep flipping. I'll have on the TV, start the dishwasher and maybe cut on the microwave and the breaker will flip. Plug in something in the living room, the breaker will flip.

I really wish my camera worked, because I would show you my fridge that has duct taped door handles. Yes you read that right. DUCT TAPED DOOR HANDLES. It was manufactured in June of 1991. She won't replace it because it works just fine. We are trying to be nice, she just got a divorce, the last tenants split after 2 months, leaving trash and stealing anything they could. I called her and told her about the breaker box and she started crying on the phone. CRYING on the phone with me!? She didn't want us to fix it and take it out of Feb.'s rent. She wanted to either have my husband fix it with her buying the parts or have someone fix that will let her pay by credit card. Apparently she is not making much money and needs this month's rent. Well, I need to know when I leave the house; a breaker isn't going to flip because I have a lamp on in the living room!!

The good thing about this house, it is on the lake. A beautiful private lake and the backyard are to die for!! It is just huge! A three tiered flower garden. Nice flower beds all over the backyard. A nice paved patio. In short it is perfect for entertaining. Just what we wanted in a backyard. If only the rest of the house was just as nice.

I keep telling myself it is only for a year, just so we can pay off his truck and pay down some other bills. Hopefully, my fingers are crossed, not that my husband got his VMware certification. He will get a raise. Also that we won't be in this place for 3 years either.
Have any of you downsized in any ways? Will you ever go back to how it was before if things get better?

* I'm so glad that ya'll like my girls blogging on the weekend. They had a lot of fun doing it too. They kept asking me what people were saying. One good thing is that it makes them work together and not fight. J