Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Was It Something I Ate

The past few nights I have had the weirdest dreams. Freud would have a field day with me if he was alive today. Incidentally he died on my birthday. The man also liked cocaine, both as a pain reliever and for rec use. Or at least that is what wikipedia is telling me. :P

The first dream I had a few nights ago had me at the doctor's office, being weighed (a nightmare for any woman!) But then she told me my weight- 396 pounds. And she said it so chipper and nonchalant. Like it was no big deal. But me, I had thought I was at 115, I look down and suddenly my ass and stomach start growing and blowing up right before my eyes! Like I'm one of those bouncy houses!
I swear I woke up from that dream grabbing my own butt and stomach!

The next night I dreamed we baptized the cat. Yes, you read that right. We baptized the cat. But not the dunky dunk baptizing, the Presbyterian sprinkle baptizing. But it wasn't just us doing this at home, all these people were at this church to have their cats baptized. So this church was filled with all these cats. Yellow ones, white ones, black ones, Siamese ones, and so on.

So it is our turn, and we bring Pretty Girl up to the pastor who is wearing this fuzzy looking suit. This blue and white checkered, fuzzy suit. So he tries to take Pretty Girl from me and she starts batting at the fuzzies on his jacket and gets her claws stuck in it. So my daughter comes up, the only one who can even hold the cat for more than a minute, she puts the cat on her head and starts dancing around.
Finally she will let the pastor guy hold her, instead of doing the sprinkling thing, which they think will freak the cats out, they are using a pastry brush and brushing the water on their heads.
I woke up after fuzzy suit pastor said all our cats were saved now.

I have no clue where in the heck these dreams came from. Was it the chocolate donut from Quik Trip I ate the night before? Do I have some issues with cats, pastors or my weight?

If I went by the dream interpreter it says cats bring bad luck, but does having the cat baptized trump that. Are they now good cats? Dreaming of a church means good luck. Have the cats been saved from a life of crime? Saved from a life of bird and mouse killing and waiting to throw up in the dead of night?

I couldn't find anything on what a dream means when you blow up like a huge balloon gorilla outside a car dealership. Is it a secret way of telling me to stop eating Quik Trip Donuts and watching Food Network before bed?

What am I going to dream next? That we take the dogs to be exorcised? Why can't I dream something awesome and write a book about it? Just no sparkly vampires please.


carissajade said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one with crazy dreams!!! I think I would rather have yours though. OK maybe not the one about being 340lbs... but the cat one sounds ok. I've been having a lot of "Apocolyptic zombie" dreams. Not cool brain.

I'm stopping by from SITS by the way. Love the site!!! I"ll def be back!!

Diva (in Demand) said...

I love this blog! LOL I had a strange dream the other night too. Mine was that my husband was already married to a woman "in name only" who was also married to another man and he wanted me to go with him to her father's funeral and get to know her family. CARAZY!

Thanks for the SITS love!

Unknown said...

Hey, who needs sparkly vampires when you have dreams like that.
I think the cat baptism could make a pretty great B movie starring Woody Harrelson as the preacher!

On a side note....I dreamed last night that the pastor from my church and Robin Williams whisked me away to a convent after catching me having pre-marital kidding!

Yankee Girl said...

Wow! Those are some crazy dreams. If I had a dream that I weighted 396 pounds I am sure I would have woken in tears.

Last night I think my husband was dreaming about playing craps because I woke up in the middle of the night to him saying "shake, shake, shake, throw" along with the hand motions. He didn't remember any dreams this morning though.

Shell said...

How bizarre! I have the strangest and most vivid dreams when I'm pregnant. The rest of the time, I can barely remember them.

KK said...

Laughed all the way through that, thank you! Who knows where our dreams come from. Every time I ask a doctor or therapist, they tell they men absolutely nothing!

Anonymous said...

I want whatever it is you took. I don't like donuts - and yes, you read that right. But I'll eat it if it makes me have crazy dreams. As it is I can't even get to sleep!

396 pounds? Hmmm...what does that mean? Are you afraid you'll gain weight? What does gaining weight mean to you? What words come to mind when you think of that image? Look deeper. Deeper. Deeper...past the shelf with the donuts...