Wednesday, September 5, 2012

July 7th 2012

It's taken me a while to think about how to write about this.

A few months actually.

The day after I posted about my father being in the ICU, he took a turn for the worse. My brother and I had talks with all his doctors on what his chances of recovery were.

If we removed all the life support.

The vent.

The drugs.

The dialysis.

What were his chances.

He would die is what they said.

The brain scan had come back. It was not good. He had little brain function.

On Saturday the 7th, when my husband, my brother and I arrived he had already gotten worse.

Much worse.

He was having seizures. It appeared that he had stroked at some point because he was bleeding from his ear.

We talked and made the hard choice to end life support.

Actually since my dad had made me his medical power of attorney I had to make the choice and sign off.

It was not something I took lightly or did flippantly.

The man that lay in that hospital bed was not my daddy. I think he had already left his body when he coded that Tuesday morning.

I'm trying not to cry as I write this. I broke down that Saturday when I came in and saw him having seizure after seizure. Seeing him bleeding from his ear, looking jaundice. Seeing and hearing his breathing sound like a rattle.

After I signed off. they removed the vent, the IVs, and cleaned him up some more.

My husband refused to leave his side. Saying he didn't want him to be alone when he finally went.

My brother, his wife and I took turns until we knew it was his last moments. Other family members came in and said their final good byes to him.

Telling him to go rest.

Go be with Helen, my mom and his 1st wife.

He left this world at 4:30 PM. Or as my brother and I said. time for a coffee break.

I still have moments when I forget he's gone.

Where I find myself saying "gotta give Daddy a call."

He was only 69 years old. Much too young in my opinion.

His last words to me were on Monday July 2nd after he had his surgery.

He said "Love you girl. You girls drive home safe."

I'm angry that he is gone and he and my brother didn't have a chance to make peace.

Angry that my brother didn't get that chance to speak to him.

Angry that a family member caused that rift between father and son by lying and being deceitful and feels no guilt nor shame in it.

Angry that my father is gone. We had just began fixing our relationship with each other.

I just wish he was still here.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Just Breathe

I came down to Mississippi last Monday so my dad could have a vein procedure. His veins had become blocked and he needed to have one side cleaned out. He had already had the left side done 2 weeks prior.
He had been on some blood thinners and he stopped taking them so they could do the same thing to his right side. Well come a few days before the surgery the left side started bothering him again. His leg started hurting and his foot started going to sleep and causing him alot of pain. He had me take him to the hospital on Sunday July 1st, the day before the surgery.
They couldn't find a pulse in either of his feet. The sonogram of his veins showed a complete blockage of his left leg in the groin area. In fact of the 3 veins that run from your knee down, only 1 of those is still working. His heart doctor said the other 2 quit working years ago.

So they do the surgery on Monday morning. Me and a family friend went down to Jackson from Winona. The surgery went well. He was in alot of pain but doing good.

At 2:30 in the morning on Tuesday, they call, he coded and was bleeding from his abdominal walls. He needed 4 units of blood. I got to the hospital as soon as I could. He coded again at 9:30 again and they had to do CPR. They got the bleeding in his abdomen stopped finally. But he was unconscious and on a vent. On Wednesday his heart began racing over 200, so they had to shock him. It happened again yesterday but he came out of it on his own.

It is now day 6 of him being in ICU and day 5 of him being unconscious. He has a team of doctors working on him. His heart doctor, a pulmonalogist, kidney doctor, neurologist and more. They started dialysis this morning because his kidneys seem to be failing and his numbers dropped dangerously low last night. His neurologist is cautiously optimistic right now. His defensive reflexes are good. He has been opening his eyes today, but he doesn't look around just stares at the ceiling.

It has been a long long long 6 days. We really thought we were going to lose him Tuesday. But he is still hanging on.  I called my husband and had him drive down from Missouri to be with me. I never knew just how many friends my dad had until now. He has had a constant stream of visitors coming to see him. Many people I hadn't seen since I was a little girl. Family that I hadn't seen in years have come to see us.

I am hoping and praying that he will completely recover and wake up. He has too much to live for to just give up.

Please tonight if you pray, say a prayer for my dad, William. Or send us good thoughts and vibes.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012


I don't think this picture needs many words to describe it. I'll just take Alex Pettyfer, maybe Channing Tatum. He can just sit there and be pretty. No need to speak, just shhhhh... be pretty!

I once went to a Chippendales show. Back in the mid 1990s. I must say it was AMAZING. I won a lap dance from all the guys. Those were the days of being 19 and single and able to throw dollar bills on the stage to sexy sweaty men.

Now days I'll settle for watching these lovely men grace the big screen. Let's all hope and pray it comes to IMAX 3-D, huh ladies.

Sunday, June 17, 2012


Today is Father's Day. I really wish I was down in MS with my dad today. He's been in the hospital since Friday. He's having a venogram done on Monday. I was supposed to leave Saturday morning to be with him, but a variety of things kept me from making the trip.

My dad and I have had a some what rocky relationship since my mom died in 1991. But as of the past year we seem to have gotten better. I think it got better after what transpired this past summer with my brother. We have made peace with each other, my dad and I.

He's been more willing to talk to me about family things, acknowledging things that can't be changed but knowing he did the best he could at the time.

My dad taught me to fish, to ride a horse, to drive a truck. He made me a wooden toy train set when I was little and always let me sit on his lap to drive the car. He's a wealth of knowledge and a bit of a hoarder. Do you need a toliet? My dad has 2 of them in his barn. Need a phone book from 1980, he's got one of those too. He can tell you anything about farm animals or how to grow the perfect crop of tomatoes.

My dad hasn't always been perfect, but he's always been my dad. And I love him very much.
Friday, June 1, 2012

Graduation Day

It was a long road. Been alot of struggles. Heartaches. It hasn't always been easy, but she finally did it. My neice graduated high school May 18, 2012. She turned 18 five days before too. Two milestones down. Many more to come.
I'm so proud of her!