We have yet another snow storm headed towards Kansas/Missouri. While watching the forecast last night I kept yelling at the TV, telling the weatherman to shut his "Dirty hooker mouth" about all that snow. I do not want another snow day. I do not want to do another week with a snow and ice covered driveway.
No, no NO!
It's the White Death. Snowmageddeon 2011, Snow apocalypse!
My husband was not amused when I started saying that.
"Jeez, calm down! It's just a little snow."
"But what if we get a blizzard.. Just like they did on Little House On The Prairie. You remember the episode where Miss Beadle sends all the kids home and they get trapped in a blizzard? And Mr Edwards and Charles all go out to save the kids that didn't make it home. And they gave them whiskey that Mr Edwards had because Mr Edwards was the only one who had whiskey in Walnut Grove. So since he saved the kids from freezing they were really nice to him even though he had the evil whiskey in their town."
Cue blank stare from my husband. "Have you gone mental?"
"You don't remember that one?"
"No, I was doing something called..."
"Oh yes... you were working in the salt mines. You poor deprived child who never got to see Little House or Dukes of Hazard since you had to work for pennies all day. Never mind that the show came on when we were like FIVE!"
"Then I was actually outside."
"Whatever? But what if we do get snowed in? What will we do without our milk and bread?"
"Then I'll make some snowshoes out of the Christmas tree that is still on the porch and track my way to the nearest store."
"My Hero."
"Show me your gratitude later." He grinned.
Men.... it could be the end of the world like in that movie with Jake whats his name and Dennis Quaid and all they can think about is sex... Go Figure!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
What I Did This Weekend.
We, meaning me and the girls, took the fur son to the toy store, otherwise known as PetSmart. Oscar our Chihuahua mix needed to have his nails trimmed and I wanted to see how well he would behave. Surprisingly he was well behaved. Usually he barks at anything and everyone. We once had one of the Kansas City Chiefs defensive tackles as a neighbor. Oscar's favorite thing was to bark and growl at him anytime the guy walked out of his house. This guy is 6'2 and over 300 pounds, yet my 10 pound dog thought he was Billy Bad Ass and would surely bring the guy down to his knees. He barked ever more when the guy would laugh at him. Oscar must have been a Great Dane in a previous life. If dogs have previous lives. Do they?
Oscar getting his pedicure
So many toys to chose from!
I want this one! Please Mom!
Gonna get me some fries at Sonic!
PetSmart is like a toy store for dogs. I swear there must have been at least 20 dogs in the store when we were there. Oscar and another dog started barking at each other from across the store. He did try and growl at this big Lab mix. What is it about little dogs and the Napoleon complex? It was fun though. I think we should have named him Pinocchio. He seems to think he is a real boy and not just a spoiled rotten dog.
What Do Birds Have To Do With Babies?
I'm busy parking at the grocery store. Scored a spot right up front, down from the handicap spots and next to the pregnant/new mom spots that are popping up everywhere now.
Tell me where those spots were when I was pregnant. Tell me?! I had to park where ever I could find a place. I didn't get those up close spots. Lucky mommies!
Anyway, I had just pulled in when Mary asks what birds have to do with babies? She had just seen the above sign next to our parking spot. Well it wasn't just like it... the one here is red with an outline of a stork with a bundle in its mouth.
I thought of going and taking a picture, but thought people might give me a funny look. Just like when I had Mary take a photo of the eaten chicken leg in the soap section at Wal-Mart. (true story)
Back to the story at hand.....
"Well, it's a stork actually." I began to explain.
"Again, Mom, what does a stork have to do with babies?" She texting while asking me this and walking across the street. Everytime she does this I am terrified she is going to walk into traffic or into the side of a building.
"Instead of telling kids where babies actually came from people would just say the stork was bringing the baby." I have no clue what the story is about the stork and babies.
"Wouldn't thinking a bird with a huge beak be more terrifying than hearing mom and dad had sex?"
I honestly had no idea what to say after that.
I told my husband this story tonight and asked him if we had done the right thing by not sheltering the girls from anything and everything. My mom never talked about sex with me. I only knew the basics of how my body worked. Sex just wasn't considered proper talk in Southern homes. I think honestly my mom hated sex with the fires of a thousand suns.
I decided when I had kids I would be open and honest with them about sex. I wanted them to feel comfortable coming to me and us having a talk. And they do. We laugh and joke about sex. It isn't something we want to be hidden or to be considered dirty or something to be ashamed of.
I guess that is why Mary had no clue that some people use/believe a big bird brings a baby. I still don't know why the stork got mixed in with having babies though? Do you?
Friday, January 14, 2011
Why I Hate Shopping At Wal-Mart (otherwise known Trash-Mart)
It is our Wal-Mart here in Kansas City that takes the cake. The only thing I go there for is the vision center and the photo center. That is it! If I have to do a big trip, I hit up a Super Target.
But after having the girls home for 5 days after the snow closed the school for 3 days, we were running low on everything from dog food to milk. Since the roads were still like an ice skating rink, there was no way I was going to attempt to drive it and wind up in a ditch somewhere.
I had to get the Husband to drive me.......
Let me just say this, my husband has been wonderful about taking me places when we have bad weather or when my emphysema is really bothering me.
But he does NOT like running from store to store and he was not going to drive to the Super Target in the next town. So Wal-Mart it was. We thought if we just did a small run of the things that were most necessary we could get in there and back out unscathed......HA!
While he parked the truck, I went to use the bathroom. I can hear of you now.
Wal-Mart Bathrooms=GROSS
But I had to go....BAD! I mean like a kindergardener crossing their leggs bad.
I cover the toliet with half a roll of paper, hover and then hear from the stall next to me.....
"I don't know what's wrong? I've had this bad diaherra for 3 days now."
Cue me giving a look to the stall next to me. Someone is on the phone in the toilet and going to the bathroom." BLECH!
She continues on, "Yeah, I'm in the bathroom right now. I can't hold anything in. I've drank a whole bottle of Pepto and it still won't stop."
OMG! Really!
I think I did the fastest pee in the history of peeing. Then scrubbed my hands when I washed them, and dumped my whole bottle of hand sanitizer on them too.
We hadn't even gotten a cart yet and it was already beginning.
We raced through getting dog food, those girly things, and were making our way back to Electronics when we heard someone yelling.
We thought it was some customer yelling at their kid, spouse, boyfriend, whoever... right?
No. This was a Wal-Mart employee yelling, no SCREAMING at/for another employee. She was at one end of Electronics and from what we can assume, he was in the photo department.
This is what we hear, along with the rest of the store that has stopped to stare.
JOHN!
A red faced John appears around the corner.
Female employee, still screaming- I'VE BEEN CALLING FOR YOU FOR 10 FREAKING MINUTES. JESUS CHRIST!
Then she literally throws the phone at him.
"Let's hurry up and get out of here before she throws something at all of us too." My husband said.
On the way to the grocery side, we almost get run over by an employee pushing a dolly full of boxes. No apology, they just kept on going.
In another aisle, I can't get to the food I need because the shelf is being stocked and the employee will done in a minute. 5 minutes later, I'm still waiting.
Never mind, I'll just go to the grocery store to get that I say to the employee.
Okay was the reply.
Finally, we are done, except standing in line. I stand in line while my husband gets the truck and waits out front for me.
As I'm standing there looking at all the tabloids and trying to decide which one to buy. Do I want Poor Kendra and her divorce or Valerie Bertinelli's wedding.
I'm going for Kendra when I overhear the lady behind me on her phone. At first I think she is talking to me since she is wearing one of those little bluetooth devices.
"What else cures diaherra?"
I jump. It's the diaherra lady. I look down. Different shoes. This lady has on those UGG boots.
Another diaherra person?!
I was about to tell her buttermilk. It was what my mom made me drink when I got it, nasty but it took care of business.
Thank goodness I noticed the little blue light blinking in her ear. I went back to studying the other tabloids.
"It started a few days ago. I've still been going to work though"
I'll save you the details of the rest of the conversation. She went into great detail about her diaherra.
People if you don't want others hearing your conversations, don't talk LOUD, or come up with a secret word. In this house we call diaherra, The Skittles.
Finally, it is my turn to check out. I've lined up all my stuff. Cleaning supplies up front, cold stuff all together, bread and chips. So I won't find lysol in with my apples.
Checking out can be an experience in its self. Either you get the checker who ignores you completely. Or you get the one who has to make a comment about every single one of your purchases.
I got the one who liked to comment on my purchases and fondle them as well.
She asked about all of my purchases. Told me I could get my lysol cheaper at Dollar General. Where did I find the apples that come in the Toy Store bag.
One of the sandwiches I bought looked like it didn't have much meat. The list goes on and on.
I was glad when I got my total, could swipe my card and leave diaherra lady behind.
Do you have a Wal-Mart horror story? Feel free to share it on your blog or tell me about it in the comments.
Today is Delurking Day 2011. I love comments. And I appreciate all of you who take the time to read my blog.
You don't have to leave a long comment. A smiley face works, or even a hi.
**I know not all Wal-Marts are this bad. There are some that I like. Just not this one.**
Thursday, January 13, 2011
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